JUGGLING ACT

The Riverwood house is now ours, so we have two mortgages.  We need to sell the Redmond house, but we need to fix a few small things first.  We have made an offer on the Highland Loop (third) house, and that offer has been accepted.  But now that we have 2 mortgages (and a car payment), the bank says we are at a 51% debt-to-income ratio, and we need to be at 50% maximum.

Sooooo, we liquidated a couple things and paid off the *majority* of the car loan.  "Not enough", say they, so we pay off the *rest* of the car loan from equity line of credit (as advised by our personal banker).  Out of one bucket, into another.  But one bucket was a short-term loan, and the other is long-term, which looks better on our "portfolio" (more profitable to the bank, too).

We have other things we can liquidate, but we were hoping to keep the '62 Cadillac and our two motorcycles.  Granted, we could find other "deals" on such items, but we're kind of attached to those things now, even though we will have to hire a car transport company to take the Cad across the state, because it isn't running.

Meanwhile, we can't *spend* any money (increasing our debt), and yet....we *need* to spend money to get the Riverwood house ready to become a B&B.... need to buy the furniture (beds, nightstands, dressers), transport all of it across the state, get it all moved in and set up, spend more money on accessories (linens, towels, lamps, drapes), stage everything and take some fabulous photos, spend LOTS of money when we tell Innkeepers Advantage (a reservations/lodging software company) to go ahead and start building our website/logo/booking system, then spend more to order business cards, and brochures.  They say the website will take 3-4 weeks.  There is a Wedding Expo in Colville (8 miles away) on Feb. 21st.  We really, really, really want to have a booth there so we can market our place as a wedding venue!

But we can't spend any money until the bank approves us for that second loan!  Aggggghhhhh!

We would HAVE the money if we sold the Redmond house.  But that will take....(you guessed it) money(!) to finish the remodeling to make it salesworthy.

ROCK --> US <-- HARD PLACE

P.S. I'm sure it will all work out, but it is a nerve-wracking game.  Sigh.

FIRST TRIP

Happy New Year!  We are ringing in 2015 by taking our first big load of furniture across the state to install at Riverwood B&B in Kettle Falls, WA.  Picture, if you will, two Chevy Tahoes packed to the gills and one of them pulling a utility trailer  filled with furniture under a blue tarp.  We took the northerly route...U.S. Highway 2, over Stevens Pass, then Highway 25 north along the east side of Lake Roosevelt.  This route saves us 76 miles, and it's much more scenic!  

Still, in the winter, it can be a gamble, as it is less traveled and less maintained.  Add to that the fact that Phil's Tahoe is having fuel delivery issues, especially going uphill, and it made for slow-going.  We made it, though!

Once we arrived, Phil backed the trailer across the lawn and right up to the front door.  After 6 hours of driving, the 4 of us (we brought our good friend Tyler, to take advantage of his young strong back) sprang into action and started unloading as fast as we could.  The 4-poster bed, box spring, and mattress, the futon frame and mattress, the lawn chairs, the large hutch, and my fancy Japanese carved drop-top desk.  

We were also under the wire to get Joy moved out of her apartment and her storage unit, so while some of us worked on things at the house, others went to the apartment.  Divide and conquer!

We accomplished a lot...set up the 4-poster bed and Japanese desk for the first B&B room, set up Joy's piano, her couch, the futon and the hutch in the living room, so we now have places to sit and lounge and eat, bought cleaning supplies and finished cleaning the dirty bathrooms, emptied Joy's apartment and storage unit, and turned in the keys so she wouldn't have to pay January rent on either.

This trip included two interesting new acquaintances!  Susan, the mail carrier, who delivered our first 3 items of mail!  We told her that we planned to open a B&B.  She was happy to hear that, not only because the area "needed" more businesses like that, but also because she always thought this house would make a great B&B.  

The other interesting person was Evan (and his roommate John), both in their 20's, who live across the street.  Phil saw them outside their house and asked if they wouldn't mind helping us to muscle the refrigerator into the house.   Evan was very friendly and told us that our new house used to belong to his family (his grandma had lived there)!  He said we were welcome to ask him anything about the house or Kettle Falls, as he had lived here for 15 years.  When we told him our plans, he said that after his grandma had died, the family had all wanted to turn the place into a B&B, but one of his aunts opposed the idea, so it never got done.  I have a feeling we will become good friends with him.  He seems like a good kid...wants to become a doctor (and his girlfriend wants to be a nurse).  He's currently attending the community college but wants to attend UW, so he can take advantage of their overseas study programs.  We learned all this about him, because the fridge move was complicated (had to remove the doors) and took a long time.  

There was one more HUGE thing that happened...for me!  Phil took me to see the second property we are buying.  There are 2 ways to get to it...up the steep and winding (but shorter) Highland Loop Road, or up the long sloping Pingston Creek Road.  Since our Tahoe was having issues, we took the "back" way, while our real estate agents, Kandis and Allen, took the shorter route.
Coming from behind the ridge to our driveway had way more impact, I think.  As we pulled in, I caught glimpses of the expansive view through the trees lining the drive, and I felt like I was about to weep with gratitude for this treasure that had been handed to us by the Universe!  What an unbelievable blessing!  Granted, the house and the yard/garden need a little work, since they have been neglected for almost 2 years, but we are able to see "the diamond in the rough" and will apply the tender loving care it needs.  

There is a lot of hard work in our future, but I believe the rewards along the way will make it SO worthwhile!!

REINVENTION

Let this post serve as a "reinvention", or a "transformation" of the Laurelinda's Leaves blog, which happens to coincide with a reinvention and transformation of the lives of Linda Teller (me), Phil Teller (my husband), and our friend, Joy Morningmoon.  We range from ages 52 to 64, and it is possible we are experiencing a "mid-life crisis", but it doesn't FEEL like a crisis.  It feels like everything we've experienced in our lives up to now has led us all to this precipice with the skills and knowledge we need to confidently jump off the edge of the cliff and know we'll land safely.

Most of our friends and family are being quite supportive (possibly getting caught up in the elevated levels of excitement and energy we've been emanating out of every pore in our bodies).  But there's a very tiny undercurrent of doubt and incredulity.  Perhaps I'm projecting the doubts and incredulity that all 3 of us have experienced as we embark on what will likely become the biggest adventure in our lifetimes.  While, in fact, it truly feels like we were "guided" to do this, and continue to have stepping stones laid in front of our path to support us as we walk forward with intention.

It all started when Joy landed a job in Kettle Falls, WA.  We went to visit her there, and she expressed a wish to buy a house, but she was sad that she couldn't do it herself.  We offered to help her achieve this wish, so she started looking at small places in town, and Phil inspected each residence for potential problems.  It became a group project, but the more we looked, the more we realized there were some *amazing* deals on the housing market!  We made an offer on a small craftsman on the edge of town that was built in 1918.  We all fell in love with it, but it needed a lot of work, including a revamp of the electrical (still had fuses instead of breakers!).  It was big enough that Joy could have roommates or run it as a hostel for the many bicyclists that travel through Kettle Falls in the summertime.  However, the owners wouldn't budge on their price, so we shrugged and let it go.  We weren't thrilled with many of the other options in that same price range, so just for grins, we increased our price limit, and that's when the most amazing house landed in our lap!

It was HUGE, with 4 bedrooms and 2 baths...and it was ON Lake Roosevelt with incredible views!  This was way more house than Joy would need, but she wasn't opposed to roommates.  Suddenly, Phil and I toyed with the idea of moving into the house, too, and then a more grandiose idea hatched...what about a B&B?  And what about building a gazebo in the large side yard and renting it out for weddings?  And what about renting the whole house out as a vacation rental?  The more we thought about it, the more we all began to like the idea of providing a fabulous place for guests to enjoy our hospitality.  Plus, there is something that Phil and Joy and I do VERY well together, and that is "group cooking".  During the brief time that Joy stayed with us in our Redmond house, we found we had a *knack* for cooking (and eating) delicious and healthy food together!  Why not share that with guests?  The more, the merrier!  And so, the idea was born, and we fed it well, and it grew.

This lovely house had been wasting away on the market for almost two years.  We think it was because it had been painted an unsightly green color (we nicknamed it "house hideous").  Because of this, the seller was quite happy to finally have AN offer, no matter how low.  It was truly a deal we "couldn't pass up", and we set the wheels in motion to make it happen with a "we'll iron out the living arrangements later" attitude. 

On our repeated visits to help Joy with this project, we became acquainted with many folks in the small town of Kettle Falls, population "1600 and 1 grouch".  We attended the Open Mike night at the organic market, and another (musical) at one of the taverns.  We ate at the different restaurants and bars, and we attended the annual craft fair (it was amazing!!).  So far, we have been amazed by all the people we've met.  Each one of them has an interesting story and personality, and everyone seems genuinely hospitable and friendly.  I remember when Redmond used to feel that way.  Phil and I have both been saddened by the "progress" that has changed Redmond from the sleepy little "bedroom community" we used to know into a bustling metropolis.  The one good thing that has come from all of this growth has been the increase in housing prices, and we are going to benefit from that when we sell our house that sits atop Education Hill, amidst all the schools, and within walking distance of downtown and driving/biking distance from Microsoft.  Yes, we have decided to cash in our chips.

As of today, the three of us are officially the proud owners of "7 Riverwood Circle" (we have the keys now!).  There is a LOT of work in store for us over the next year....especially the next 2-3 months!  We have to transform an empty house into a beautiful B&B, which means filling it with furniture we don't have, adding a hot tub that isn't there, installing locks on all the bedroom doors, etc., and do this as quickly as we can in order to get it generating a profit.  AND... we have to get a website presence ready and decide on what software we want to use for taking registrations and billing guests.  AND...we have to hurry and get the Redmond house ready for sale at the same time, which will require a few small remodel projects.  AND...we have to work on buying the *second* Kettle Falls house, so that we will have a place to live when people want to rent the whole Riverwood house....but *that* part of the plan will be covered in a separate post!  (All this while Joy and I continue working full-time...)

Still, while WE were expressing doubts about our own sanity early on, we have had a couple months to think about it, and even though it will necessitate a scurry of hard work and activity up front, all 3 of us are absolutely excited and chomping at the bit to get to work on this new chapter in all of our lives.  If we agree on one thing, it is that we know we can do this...and that's a good start!

VibesUP

I endorse and recommend the products created by this company, VibesUP.  The company was founded by Kaitlyn Keyt, who started her career as a biologist, but through some extraordinary circumstances, she began to experiment with creating products that used a combination of piezo electricity, essential oils and aromatherapy to increase wellness in both mind and body.

Whether you are skeptical of these types of "remedies" or not, the products are delightful to look at as well as being functional.  All I know is that my life seems to be more happy and abundant when I am wearing the jewelry, drinking from the water bottle, applying the deodorant or lotions in the morning, or wearing the soles in my shoes or the infused t-shirt, etc.

Life Is Better With Your VibesUP! (main website link)
--click on "How It Works" to see detailed explanations and videos describing how these products have evolved.

Earth Bottles Store
--direct link to Earth-on-the-Bottom Bottles...I use mine every day...3 fill-ups means I'm drinking the daily recommended amount of water.  Unlike other water bottles I've owned, this one never gets that "bacteria" smell in it....hmm, could it be due to the "earth-on-the-bottom"?

I love VibesUP stuff!!  In fact, you'll find my name on a few of the product reviews.  :)

BALANCE

Until a few years ago, I was hardly aware of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. While expanding my worldview, I started to come across references to his speeches and opinions, especially his ever-present message of peace among all peoples through the practice of compassion and tolerance. I now follow him (or his representative) on Twitter. His daily tweets, taken from his many writings, often contain the word "compassion".

Our family was privileged to hear the Dalai Lama speak when he visited Seattle. What a calm, thoughtful, and humorous man, even while living at the center of a maelstrom of controversy regarding his country. Amidst that whirlwind, he seems to be the calm in the storm. He is an inspiration to everyone around him.

Oh, to be as serene and compassionate as he, through meditation, introspection and learning to control one's "uglier" emotions!

And yet, when I think about that Nirvana, that blissful and peaceful way of life, I find an interesting obstruction blocking my ability to emulate that lifestyle. It's like a jersey barrier that will not allow me to go down that path.

Knowing myself and how I operate, I have to admit the only times I seem to get things done are when I'm either agitated or have to meet a deadline. Last week, when I was perturbed at my husband, I accomplished a plethera of tasks in the span of four hours that had been waiting for months to be done. If I have company coming over on a certain day, I will be motivated to do this awful thing called "housework". However, this week, now that my husband and I "kissed and made up", and neither of us have pressing deadlines, we have enjoyed TWO lazy days in a row doing practically nothing (gasp)! I feel a bit guilty because I do have a list of things that need to be done, just none of them high enough priority to stimulate action.

Now, if my husband started working diligently around the house, I would immediately drop what I'm doing here and follow suit because 1) I don't want him to start complaining that he's the only one who does work around here, and 2) there's that slightest bit of competition between us to out-perform each other.

Healthy competition, then, and a little bit of stress to stimulate adrenalin and "creative juices", seems to be necessary for us, like most people, I think, to accomplish much of anything. While it would be nice to sit in a forest meadow and ponder the trees swaying in the wind, the birds chirping, and the bubbling brook washing over the stones, it would have taken the human race much longer to come up with steam engines, automobiles, airplanes, moon landings, and computers!

From the depression era through the end of the 70's, the human race--Americans in particular--made HUGE strides forward in technology, medicine, and science borne out of necessity and healthy competition. Then we hit this "bubble" in the last 2-3 decades, and it seems many Americans became drunk with materialism, power and greed, especially the financial sector...gambling with assets that didn't exist. However, the resulting recession in 2008, while difficult for many, was beneficial in that it really forced us, like most people, to rethink our priorities, to analyze our budget and realize we could "make do" with our current belongings, sell off things we didn't need, and fix or remodel what we already owned instead of discarding the old for the brand new.

And yet, the people responsible for the recession did NOT seem to learn their lesson. Some are even continuing to do what they did before! The ever-widening divide between wealth and poverty of the last decade continues to grow. Even in the aftermath of miners being killed and oil rigs blowing up, health and safety regulations continue to be ignored. Major companies conspire to conceal the alarming speed in which the effects of climate change approach, as well as the impending water and food shortages.

Get ready for it, people. Tensions are mounting. This planet's resources are finite, and our ever-increasing demands on them will only pull the strings tighter. Partisanship grows, the "Us vs. Them" mentality.

Let's show a little maturity here. We are supposed to be *learning* from our mistakes, becoming MORE civil, not less, able to engage in reasonable debate and discourse, to find compromises that will benefit both sides of any argument. Instead, I see grown men and women acting like 2nd graders, putting their hands over their ears and singing "Lalalalalalala".  They are fiddling while Rome burns!

NOTHING gets accomplished, and catastrophes grow in strength and frequency. Perhaps that is what we need, then, a major catastrophe to beat all previous major catastrophes, to finally motivate everyone to work together, to correct the mistakes of the past, rather than repeat them over and over.

Scientists have been warning us for decades, but people don't want to hear it. They don't want to accept the possibility that it could be that bad. They much prefer to hear the misinformed versions being spread by people/companies standing to lose money if it's true. As each scientific prediction begins to come true, faster than anyone could fathom, I sometimes feel almost panicky as the evidence piles up higher and higher!

When those feelings start to overwhelm me now, I ask myself "What would Dalai Lama do?"  If he saw mayhem and chaos, he would continue calmly and quietly urging people to practice kindness and compassion toward each other, not anger, suspicion and hatred. If he saw cooperative, respectful collaboration, he would nod and smile sagely, probably letting out that cute little giggle, as his eyes twinkled with joy. I will hope for the latter.
As ecosystems collapse, and we are faced with the immediacy of the changes and challenges needing solutions NOW, we might also ask ourselves, "What would MacGyver do?" We will need to follow the example of his innovative resourcefulness, too, if we want to survive.

So, while circumstances change for the worse, it is MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER to overlook skin color, culture, religion, beliefs, status, more important to treat EACH AND EVERY person with respect, to ask their opinions and listen to their feedback.  If their opinions or appearance or manners are different from mine, I must ask questions to understand why.  They may know something I don't.  I may know something they don't.  Many different ideas intermingled into ONE will produce much stronger results than relying on ONE ideology.

I need to be like Dalai Lama and MacGyver combined.  I would enjoy it if others joined me in this quest.

Peaceful acceptance.    Resourceful creativity.

Self-sacrifice.    Self-reliance.

Nirvana.    Heaven.

BALANCE

TRUER WORDS

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin


(I love the botanical references!!)

SYMBOLISM

Small orchid plant sits in window

In relationship/love gua of house
Puts forth new blossom stalk
Two buds at its apex

We change bagua around us
Chi is energized
Reveals itself blatantly
In nature's simple beauty

One bud for you, one bud for me
United, together, fused
Sharing the nourishment of life
Blooming for the second time

TRUE FREEDOM

Don’t tell me what it is you think I want to hear you say...
No, tell me what you truly feel.
That is the better way
For even if it hurts me and my heart is torn in two
My love for you will overcome and want what’s best for you
Even if I think you’re wrong and will encounter grief
I have to give you freedom to follow your beliefs

Search your soul, my darling
Search your soul, my dear
Tell me what is in your heart.
You won’t be punished here.
Search your soul, my lover
Search your soul, my friend
The grass is very green here
And will be to the end.
Tell me what you truly wish
And I will follow through
My love for you will overcome
And want what’s best for you

Witnessing Evolution - Biology in Action

"Name one problem in the world today that is not directly related to population growth."

--Phil Teller

This has been a hugely controversial stance for my husband over the past decade, but there is mounting evidence to *prove* the validity of his statement, and I am proud of him for having the *courage* to stand up to dissenters. I have included links to various articles linked to the relevant text...

In my college Biology classes, we studied the J-Curve and S-Curve models of population growth. The J-Curve shows exponential growth, which only happens when resources are unlimited. The S-Curve exhibits a leveling out over time due to limiting factors. The J-Curve is considered "unrealistic" because resources ARE finite. Yet, the human race continues to strive toward that unattainable "J" graph, blithely ignoring all the warning signs that indicate we have reached "carrying capacity".

The problem is, while humans are happy to control the populations of *other* species, we have a problem putting limits on our own. When I see modern examples like "OctoMom" (14 children), the Arkansas Duggar family (19 children), and the "Kate plus 8" family, I feel like *slapping* them. I really do!! Too late now, though.

"Do you realize what you're doing to this planet?!" I want to shout at them! Back in the colonization days, before the industrial revolution, large families were beneficial and necessary, but we need to LET GO of that mentality. Pollution, climate change, mass species extinctions, depletion of resources, accumulation of waste...are just a few examples of "world problems" which are caused, directly or indirectly, by the alarming increase in human population (and the support thereof) on this planet.

"No matter," I tell myself, taking a deep, calming breath (before flying into a panic)... I am already noticing the following natural controls that have been occurring for the last century or so:

PREDATION

We have no predators but ourselves. The "modern" means of killing off our own species is War, and even Genocide. Animals (and some primitive tribes) utilize Cannibalism, too. When I was young, we had 2 gerbils, which had babies, and those babies grew up to have more babies, and so on, until we had 48 gerbils divided into 4 cages. When one of the new mothers started *eating* her babies, we realized we had too many, and it was time to start giving them away (also known as Migration)!

DISEASE

In the densely populated and unsanitary cities of yore, diseases like the Black Death (bubonic plague) caused a *major* dip in population. Again, modern innovation, in the form of vaccines, has almost completely eradicated major diseases like Black Death, as well as Smallpox, Polio, Measles, Rubella, etc. With the amazing advancement of vaccines and modern medicine, our population started up that J-Curve trend again. But Nature is still trying to assert herself and get us back onto the more realistic S-Curve! We now have E Coli, Salmonella, Swine Flu, AIDS, Cancer, and the new "super-bugs" that are highly resistant to antibiotics. Who knows what NEW tricks she has up her sleeve?

COMPETITION

Animal populations will modify their behaviors when resources become limited, by laying fewer eggs, by changing gender (seen in frogs and other amphibians). Which brings me to homosexuality. Everywhere you look these days, there are increasing references to homosexual relationships. It *seems* more and more people are realizing they are attracted to the same sex, but it's well-established that the rate of homosexuality has NOT increased, it's just less *suppressed* than it used to be. More psychologists and scientists are coming to the conclusion that homosexuality is not, in fact, a "chosen" lifestyle, but one you are born with as naturally as left-handedness. It is MY opinion that it is also a *natural* way of limiting the population, and should be accepted and *welcomed* as such. It only *seems* unnatural to those heterosexuals who somehow feel threatened by it because it's different (us/them mentality). In fact, over 1500 species of animals exhibit homosexual orientation. It IS natural.

MIGRATION

This worked when there were uninhabited areas of the planet and/or areas not critical as natural resources. As the untouched parts of this planet continue to disappear, our only other option is off-planet, but first we need to break our dependency on oil and coal, because those resources do not exist on our neighboring orbs.

CONCLUSION

Even with natural controls working against over-population, it is *still* a problem that needs to be dealt with. In college, my Forest Ecology class invited some Chinese scientists along on a field trip to the Appallachian mountains. I chatted with one of those scientists for most of the drive while all the others slept. It was an amazing exchange of "well, in OUR culture, we do this..." He told me how their government, concerned about population growth, had made it socially unacceptable for each couple to have more than ONE child. Even with that limitation, though, they just surpassed the United States as the number one consumer of energy on the planet. That threshold would probably have been reached *well* before 2009 if they had not put the one-child-per-family stipulation in place!

The world is at a Crossroads (or a Precipice, depending on if you're an optimist or a pessimist). I don't think we should just STOP having children. They are important. They are a miracle. So is the birth of *every* other living organism. We are all part of a larger ecosystem, all inter-connected like a chain, and we need to be *constantly* aware of how breaking one link of that chain causes larger ripples elsewhere. When you throw away a piece of garbage, think about how 6 billion pieces of that garbage will impact the environment. Can you reuse or recycle it? When you flush the toilet, your waste is conveniently whisked away. Do you ever think about what 6 billion people's waste might look (or smell) like?

Currently, the more developed countries are more educated and have *slowed* their growth rates, for the most part, but studies show the world population will exceed 9 billion by 2050! Where will they all live? More importantly, HOW will they all live? We're already facing energy & water shortages within decades. Should they live by killing off others? What/who decides which ones get to survive and which ones must go? Will it take a catastrophic event after which Nature's "survival of the fittest" rule comes into play?

I think the scenario above is a much more worrisome heritage to pass down to our children and grandchildren than any amount of national debt. Money is not important in the long run. It won't do you any good in the hereafter. So, please, if you have children, or are *thinking* of having children, PLEASE teach them to be good stewards of the Earth, and lead by example by first becoming one yourself!

Help to educate others who may not know these things. If everyone begins to adopt these attitudes, the human race MAY be able to continue thriving on Planet Earth and not follow the path of the dinosaurs.

"We must cultivate a universal responsibility toward each other and extend it to the planet that we have to share."
--His Holiness the Dalai Lama

ADDED: Other Interesting Related Articles:
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20928015.400-biology-nobelist-natural-selection-will-destroy-us.html

Shedding the Old Skin

A friend shared this link with me yesterday, and I think it's a great one to use as a catalyst for my first post.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-lanza/does-the-past-exist-yet-e_b_683103.html

I've been pondering the universe a lot lately...how we're all connected, not only with other humans, but with plants and animals, rocks, air, water, elements, and everything we observe around us. Much of my thoughts on the subject have been guided by some profound books:

• The Celestine Prophecy (given to me by another friend who had a hunch I might "connect" with it - thank you, Kelly!)

• The Buddha and the Terrorist

• The Seat of the Soul (haven't finished yet, but the parts I read have removed any fear I ever had of dying)

• Spontaneous Evolution

• A Tear at the Edge of Creation: A Radical New Vision for Life in an Imperfect Universe

The 13.7 blog on the NPR.org website has been fascinating and mind-blowing and VERY well-balanced if one takes the time to read ALL the comments (one of the main bloggers is the author of the last book listed above).

And lastly, the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know?" also had a profound influence, but I had to watch it maybe three times before I started to understand, and some of the things I'm STILL trying to grasp. (Need to watch it again...soon.)

Back to the link at the beginning of the post...

Reading it made me think about how, when you feel sad about something that happened to break up a friendship or relationship in the past, and out of the blue, that person contacts you and asks if you're mad at them, when all along you thought THEY were mad at YOU, and suddenly everything is forgiven and all is wonderful again....well, it's almost as if the upsetting event in the past **disappears**. It never existed. Sometimes the hurts take longer to heal, and take a LOT more work to move past them, but my marriage is living proof that it IS possible to do just that.

I have learned SO much over the last 4 years of my life, and now, it's like the dam has broken, and I just can't get enough! I feel like I have to make up for lost time. I am the robot "Number 5" in the movie "Short Circuit". I *need* input!! Oddly enough, I no longer crave the "escape" offered by fiction, either in books or movies. Whereas before, textbooks or nonfiction were *definite* cures for insomnia, and fictional books would deprive me of sleep through no fault of my own. The roles are now *reversed*. My objective self, the one observing and analyzing this strange turn of events, just nods wisely, a smug smile twitching at the corner of my lips.

My goodness, have I gone to the next phase of life? That one where they say you're "older and wiser"? Why yes, I think that could be it. And yet, "the fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." There is SO much yet to learn. But the more I learn, the more I understand it has to be learned *sequentially*, and in baby steps.

Most of us have been infused with certain beliefs and myths we learned as we were growing up, either from our parents, our childhood friends, our spiritual advisors, our surroundings, or even, for people MY age, incorrect scientific evidence that has now been disproven. Each new possibility, each new paradigm or mind-boggling idea, opens like a flower bud in time-lapse photography, and as each one finds its way into my brain, I feel a myth or legend that was ingrained in my belief system fall away. The darkness is being lifted. The layers of the onion are peeling away. Change is no longer frightening. It is welcome. I think I'm "molting". No wait, I'm *evolving*. That's it!

Change is happening all around us, and it is accelerating at a rapid pace. Some people can't handle it, and, in fact, I find myself getting panicky at times. However, I recognize this change inside of me AND all around me as both exciting and frightening, exhilerating and worrisome. That, of course, is how it HAS to be, and so I accept it wholeheartedly.

Peace Be With You,

LJT